I don't know where to start but it seems am getting my faith back. I don't know or recollect when it went, all i know is that i had lost it somehow. It didn't go away without leaving consequences.
I stopped going to worship. It wasn't as if i wanted a change in religon or church or anything like that - i just got fed up with everything. It was all about me,but selfishly i did not realise how it was affecting others around me.
It was not until my bro came up to me and asked why i was at home on sunday mornings, then my mother said my son was asking why i wasn't coming anymore or why i wasnt joining in any devotion before i realised that my actions were leaving an impression on my son.
Did i want him to have that type of image about me? No way. I remember i used to tell people that my mother's prayers were working overtime on me, that if it were left entirely to me, i don't even want to imagine what would have happened to me.
It made me start thinking i want to be someone who could be counted upon Spiritually, like the time my other bro A1 called my mum in the middle of the night and asked her to pray for a family friend. He had that much convinction in her. I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself and decided to make a change.
Resolution: I started going back to worship, felt my heart almost burst with pride when Timi gave his first public reading in worship but it wasn't until i went away and suddenly just realised that something had changed and i had started getting perspective back.
Been punching away at the computer even though have a lot of work staring me in the face but i just feel the need to write. I guess am a bit scared, my mum is in hospital for an operation and am trying not think about it. It was one of the reasons we all went away on holiday together.
I also have a job interview coming up next week and to be thruthful, i am scared. If its succesful then it will mean a change from all i've ever known.
Oh, i've just looked at the time i have less than an hour to be at the hospital. guess i have to continue this later,.
It feels good to be back. At least my blog is familiar.
Thursday 23 August 2007
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS
Can't believe its been about 3 weeks since i went near a computer. Holidays - now i know why its called holidays. It was really nice, totally relaxing and comfortable. Waking up and just lying in bed knowing you don't have to make breakfast was blissful.
The family we stayed with were totally refreshing, actually felt a bit like naija. You know when all relatives are around and you generally just have a good time. To be honest didn't think i would really enjoy myself as am not into castles and all the scenery but i really enjoyed myself, though the day b4 we got back, mama3 and i had some words. Sometimes its not good to go on holiday with your family.
I survived the food with some technics(sneaked salt from the kitchen and literally covered everything in black pepper). I didn't want to risk any of the hosts sneezing so i decided not to use our red pepper. And anyway i had to set a good example for Timi, to be gracious and eat anything you are given in anyones house. Its only polite.
Why do they say you always need a holiday after coming back from one. The house was clean at least(A2 didn't want to risk 2 females on his head) but it felt cluttered after all that relaxing feling. Still havent got round to doing the laundry.
Well i hope the weather continues dry and i can have a bit more rest b4 September comes.
The family we stayed with were totally refreshing, actually felt a bit like naija. You know when all relatives are around and you generally just have a good time. To be honest didn't think i would really enjoy myself as am not into castles and all the scenery but i really enjoyed myself, though the day b4 we got back, mama3 and i had some words. Sometimes its not good to go on holiday with your family.
I survived the food with some technics(sneaked salt from the kitchen and literally covered everything in black pepper). I didn't want to risk any of the hosts sneezing so i decided not to use our red pepper. And anyway i had to set a good example for Timi, to be gracious and eat anything you are given in anyones house. Its only polite.
Why do they say you always need a holiday after coming back from one. The house was clean at least(A2 didn't want to risk 2 females on his head) but it felt cluttered after all that relaxing feling. Still havent got round to doing the laundry.
Well i hope the weather continues dry and i can have a bit more rest b4 September comes.
Friday 3 August 2007
ONE YEAR OLDER
Am a year older. Being a year older means a lot of things,achiebemnets and highlights,
lowlights and areas to work on.
One year older means a lot of things but this is for you - My Baby.
Oluwatimilehin - i only had the Lord wen u were born and so shall he be with you all your
life.
When i first got pregnant, i was happy and scared. Why both, you may ask? I was happy
because i would have someone to call my own and i was scared cuz i didn't know the first
thing about being a mother.
No one knows and you may never know all your life, but you were my saving grace.
Your first movements inside me, made me start counting down the days.
Labour- O joy of joys- you made it under 6 hrs. I guess you were just as impatient to see me
as i was to see you.
When you were placed in my arms, i knew a girl had gone and a woman had arrived.
I remember your first smile, ur first sitting and ur first crawl. Your face with the first
teeth, the first time you stood on your own and your first steps are firmly etched in my
brain and nothing can take them away.
I remember you hated taking a nap and i must have tried every trick in the book by the time
you were 6 months. You still hate takin a nap.
When you spoke, you spoke my name with only the vowels. You threw the consonants away.
My baby is now a toddler and people don't beleive you are mine.
I recall you first punishment - u were just under 2, u looked so cute when kneeling down.
You started school and i had to let go, i wasn't your only world anymore.
Our paths from here on hasn't been the smoothest- I wont win best mother awards but i win
awards for being your loving mother. I have made mistakes, Lord knows i have but i guess
we've both turned out pretty well.
You are 9 now and soon u'll be 10, the crossing point. I guess i have to start letting you
go but i dont want to.
Oh my baby, i wish you were still little, so i could pick you up and throw you in the air,
or i could put you on my back again.
I would do anything to hear you ask 2 watch PostmanPat again, but you've grown.
I want to take back those times i shouted at you because of my frustrations, not of anger or
hardships but of being alone.
My baby - you'll never know what it means to be alone and lonely as long as i breathe.
I would love to give you a bro or sis to play with cuz i know you want 1, but ur nana would
kill me if i came home with a babe in my arms without a mister.
I know i can never be mother and father but i promise i'll do my best.
You feel its time you started growin up and you want to be a big boy. Nature must take its
course but u'll never know its the little things u do that lets me know i still have my
baby.
- When you turn back at the school gate and wave 2 me.( i can't walk you 2 school anymore -
u r a big boy).
- When you try to "scope" me a million times a day with Can i?
- When you come home full of excitement. I did this n that and my teacher gave me a sticker
4 being good and you put the sticker on my shirt.
- Most especially when you come home and say i made this for you in school or i painted this
for you.
- How ur face changes and start answering questions with yes ma at the sight of "eba stick"
or thought of punishment.
All the unconditional love a child has, u give 2 me and am truly grateful.
So my dear boy, its not me Single girl that is a year older, its your mother, the one trying
to get all things right that is a year older.
lowlights and areas to work on.
One year older means a lot of things but this is for you - My Baby.
Oluwatimilehin - i only had the Lord wen u were born and so shall he be with you all your
life.
When i first got pregnant, i was happy and scared. Why both, you may ask? I was happy
because i would have someone to call my own and i was scared cuz i didn't know the first
thing about being a mother.
No one knows and you may never know all your life, but you were my saving grace.
Your first movements inside me, made me start counting down the days.
Labour- O joy of joys- you made it under 6 hrs. I guess you were just as impatient to see me
as i was to see you.
When you were placed in my arms, i knew a girl had gone and a woman had arrived.
I remember your first smile, ur first sitting and ur first crawl. Your face with the first
teeth, the first time you stood on your own and your first steps are firmly etched in my
brain and nothing can take them away.
I remember you hated taking a nap and i must have tried every trick in the book by the time
you were 6 months. You still hate takin a nap.
When you spoke, you spoke my name with only the vowels. You threw the consonants away.
My baby is now a toddler and people don't beleive you are mine.
I recall you first punishment - u were just under 2, u looked so cute when kneeling down.
You started school and i had to let go, i wasn't your only world anymore.
Our paths from here on hasn't been the smoothest- I wont win best mother awards but i win
awards for being your loving mother. I have made mistakes, Lord knows i have but i guess
we've both turned out pretty well.
You are 9 now and soon u'll be 10, the crossing point. I guess i have to start letting you
go but i dont want to.
Oh my baby, i wish you were still little, so i could pick you up and throw you in the air,
or i could put you on my back again.
I would do anything to hear you ask 2 watch PostmanPat again, but you've grown.
I want to take back those times i shouted at you because of my frustrations, not of anger or
hardships but of being alone.
My baby - you'll never know what it means to be alone and lonely as long as i breathe.
I would love to give you a bro or sis to play with cuz i know you want 1, but ur nana would
kill me if i came home with a babe in my arms without a mister.
I know i can never be mother and father but i promise i'll do my best.
You feel its time you started growin up and you want to be a big boy. Nature must take its
course but u'll never know its the little things u do that lets me know i still have my
baby.
- When you turn back at the school gate and wave 2 me.( i can't walk you 2 school anymore -
u r a big boy).
- When you try to "scope" me a million times a day with Can i?
- When you come home full of excitement. I did this n that and my teacher gave me a sticker
4 being good and you put the sticker on my shirt.
- Most especially when you come home and say i made this for you in school or i painted this
for you.
- How ur face changes and start answering questions with yes ma at the sight of "eba stick"
or thought of punishment.
All the unconditional love a child has, u give 2 me and am truly grateful.
So my dear boy, its not me Single girl that is a year older, its your mother, the one trying
to get all things right that is a year older.
HOLIDAYS
I had been really looking forward to the holidays so that i would at least have some rest but in 10 days so far, i didn't think so much could happen.
School hols began on the 21st and my son Timi had already prepared a long list of things to do for the hols. We usually go away for a couple of days n this time its scotland, but am not looking forward to the trip. I am not into castles and dungeons but since they will be studying them in his class next year i have no choice but to go.( We have done Romans, Vikings and all d rest).
I really do not understand why they are learning all this.My own summer holidays at his age was filled with playing all kinds of football and cooking rice in derica tins ( sand, stones and pangolo).
I have gone to hit the shops all in the name of summer sale, but tell me how u r supposed to enjoy shopping wen you are in the rain all day?
Next we have had 2 major incidents with water. First Timi flooded the kitchen by blocking up the sink. If looks could kill, then all the looks he got on saturday morning would have buried him. We were supposed to go out and enjoy a little sun but then we had to spend the next 3hrs washing and drying the kitchen out.
Unfortunately for someone, yours truly just sat down and was watching him. I didn't think he believed he was going to wash out the whole kitchen himself ( The look on his face was priceless - i wish i remembered to get the camera). I was throughly enjoying myself by telling him he had missed spots and he had to go back to do them.
Then the incident that made my whole week, my mum fell into the North Sea. I laughed so much i almost cried, but it was my fault well not totally but a bit sha.
We live in a small coastal town, and when the sun finally decided to show face, we had a day out on the beach. Everything had been going fine until i decided to become an amatuer model o. I wanted my mum to take a picture of me catching the wave, i honestly don't know wat happened, the next thing i knew she and the camera were in the sea and a lifeguard had already come to help her out.
She was fully clothed and we didn't have a change of clothes, by the time we got home after walking across the sand- we looked like a ragged bunch.
At least the memory card is ok so we saved the pictures.
The holiday has been relaxing so far as i dont think i have gotten up before 8 in the morning.
Then the Harry Potter book came along......... dis is wat happened. On friday, the weather forecast for saturday was rain and wind, so i didn't intend to go out. I went to the library and got some books out. I thot well this would keep me busy.
Then at about 10 am on saturday, the phone rings and its the library telling me to come and collect the potter book.
I had reserved it for 50p since like february or march since it was announced it was the last episode. So rain and wind, i braved it to the library to pick it up. I finished reading it at about 11.30pm.
Well i cheated at first- i turned to the back to see the end, saw everytin was fine and settled to read the book. Thank God i had cooked on Friday, so there was food in the house.
After i finished the book- comments started to come in.
mama 3: ki lo n ka?
me: harry potter.
mama 3: abajo. is that what you went to get from the library? and you were reading it as if you were speed reading.
me: speed reading ke? how?
mama 3: ehn now. when it not as if you are working for MI5 or 6.
A2 cuts in
A2 : dont blame her. In her country, is there any library that will call her to tell her that a book has arrived or they will actually give her the book cuz she was the 1st to reserve it?
me: thank you. lemme alone.
It just occured to me that the rest of the conversation was cut off as i typed it.
This is the first 10 days so far, dont know wat will happen the rest of the hols.
P.S Does any one have tips for surviving food in a white household. I am not looking forward to the food when we visit scotland. i have told my mum i am taking ground pepper with me.
School hols began on the 21st and my son Timi had already prepared a long list of things to do for the hols. We usually go away for a couple of days n this time its scotland, but am not looking forward to the trip. I am not into castles and dungeons but since they will be studying them in his class next year i have no choice but to go.( We have done Romans, Vikings and all d rest).
I really do not understand why they are learning all this.My own summer holidays at his age was filled with playing all kinds of football and cooking rice in derica tins ( sand, stones and pangolo).
I have gone to hit the shops all in the name of summer sale, but tell me how u r supposed to enjoy shopping wen you are in the rain all day?
Next we have had 2 major incidents with water. First Timi flooded the kitchen by blocking up the sink. If looks could kill, then all the looks he got on saturday morning would have buried him. We were supposed to go out and enjoy a little sun but then we had to spend the next 3hrs washing and drying the kitchen out.
Unfortunately for someone, yours truly just sat down and was watching him. I didn't think he believed he was going to wash out the whole kitchen himself ( The look on his face was priceless - i wish i remembered to get the camera). I was throughly enjoying myself by telling him he had missed spots and he had to go back to do them.
Then the incident that made my whole week, my mum fell into the North Sea. I laughed so much i almost cried, but it was my fault well not totally but a bit sha.
We live in a small coastal town, and when the sun finally decided to show face, we had a day out on the beach. Everything had been going fine until i decided to become an amatuer model o. I wanted my mum to take a picture of me catching the wave, i honestly don't know wat happened, the next thing i knew she and the camera were in the sea and a lifeguard had already come to help her out.
She was fully clothed and we didn't have a change of clothes, by the time we got home after walking across the sand- we looked like a ragged bunch.
At least the memory card is ok so we saved the pictures.
The holiday has been relaxing so far as i dont think i have gotten up before 8 in the morning.
Then the Harry Potter book came along......... dis is wat happened. On friday, the weather forecast for saturday was rain and wind, so i didn't intend to go out. I went to the library and got some books out. I thot well this would keep me busy.
Then at about 10 am on saturday, the phone rings and its the library telling me to come and collect the potter book.
I had reserved it for 50p since like february or march since it was announced it was the last episode. So rain and wind, i braved it to the library to pick it up. I finished reading it at about 11.30pm.
Well i cheated at first- i turned to the back to see the end, saw everytin was fine and settled to read the book. Thank God i had cooked on Friday, so there was food in the house.
After i finished the book- comments started to come in.
mama 3: ki lo n ka?
me: harry potter.
mama 3: abajo. is that what you went to get from the library? and you were reading it as if you were speed reading.
me: speed reading ke? how?
mama 3: ehn now. when it not as if you are working for MI5 or 6.
A2 cuts in
A2 : dont blame her. In her country, is there any library that will call her to tell her that a book has arrived or they will actually give her the book cuz she was the 1st to reserve it?
me: thank you. lemme alone.
It just occured to me that the rest of the conversation was cut off as i typed it.
This is the first 10 days so far, dont know wat will happen the rest of the hols.
P.S Does any one have tips for surviving food in a white household. I am not looking forward to the food when we visit scotland. i have told my mum i am taking ground pepper with me.
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